Do you ever feel you are being stalked by disappointment?
I know. That sounds a little bit like a martyr, or, someone with a persecution complex. Still, there are moments when I have felt like disappointment is lurking behind every bush of opportunity.
Recently I had an invitation to talk with someone about a job opportunity right down my alley of interest. As we visited I became more and more excited about the potential of working, though only part-time, in this environment of mutual passion. Unfortunately, in the course of our conversation a "detail" was shared that made me realize it probably was not going to happen. I was disappointed.
A week later, I am still disappointed. God had seemed to be so present in all the details leading up to the meeting, and even in the content of our conversation together. In the end--at least to this point--it has not proven to be what I desired or hoped for.
From the divine perspective, I've comforted myself by thinking about what God may have saved me from, and about what really wasn't so great about this opportunity. It has provided some passing comfort and I have managed to assuage some of my residual feelings of disappointment.
Some reluctant reflections on what I am learning...
1. Disappointment comes from unrealistic expectations. I did not have the information I needed to have been appropriately prepared for the potential outcome.
2. Disappointment carries an emotional component. It is compounded by an ungodly sense of desperation. I am not desperate but I treated this as if it were the end-all opportunity without which I would be destitute and "on the streets". Not even close.
3. Disappointment craves feeding. It wants to revisit the details, rehearse the factors that pointed to a different outcome, and get stuck in self-pity. I am purposely "fasting" today--determined not to feed my disappointment nor to linger in the valley of despond. God has something better for me, even if it means this door is permanently closed.
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