Catching Up...

I am acclimating to semi-retired life in San Luis Obispo County and the various challenges of starting a new counseling business here,  Here are some highlights...

1. I have had about thirty different clients in my first year.

2.  The churches of SLO County have been utilizing me as a resource, especially Grace Church, led by my stepson, Tim Theule.

3.  I have had several college students from Cal Poly, and God has opened a door there for additional counseling through word of mouth.

4.  I am counseling two days a week--moving to Tuesdays and Wednesdays in December--and I hold open 12-13 counseling spots weekly.

5.  I am also doing mentoring and have about 6-8 who I have had the privilege of sharing with based on the fact I am old-er!  I am smiling as this is a wonderful season to share what god has taught me and continues to teach me.

I am enjoying other areas of service as well in the local church that have assured me that God is not done with me yet!

Thanks for those of you who have prayed for me and for the steady stream of clients who make this ministry worthwhile.

To God be the glory!

reflections on friends

We just returned from a  week with "old" friends.  We have a lot of history together and Bev and I both have been the beneficiaries of their love and kindness.  Here's a reflective acrostic on the vital elements of meaningful friendships...

F--eeling valued by people who know you well but still love you

R--econnecting without the need for getting reacquainted

I--nitiating contact for no apparent reason 

E--njoying familiar stories tinged with memories often rehearsed

N--avigating the changing seasons of life and laughing about them

D--oing spontaneous things together comfortably

S--haring pain and sorrow as well as joy and blessing with equal openness

H--ighlighting the "light bulb" moments of our continuing spiritual journeys

I--nvesting in active concern for and commitment to pray for each other's families

P--lanning the next time we will be together and hoping we don;t have to wait that long!


Thanks Dan and Carolyn, Jim and Laura--our friends!

Fog or Sunshine?

Summer is a 'mystical"  time on the Central Coast.  You have heard of "June gloom"?  We are in July and we are continuing to experience the early morning fog usually burning away to radiant sunshine in the afternoon. Today as I drove to work at 7:15 am north on Hwy 101 from Arroyo Grande, through Pismo Beach and Shell Beach, I drove over the top of the peak that is on the crest of Avila Beach and upon descending to the other side towards San Luis Obispo was greeted with...more fog!

That's not how it usually is the trajectory of where the highway peaks almost always reveals sunshine on the other side.  At 1:30 pm in between counseling clients, I drove to Avila Beach from my office and spent one glorious hour in beautiful sunshine walking on the beach

And then it was back to my office where I sit at my desk reflecting on the day.

Here's what I've been musing about...

It's hard to predict "June gloom" in your life, but foggy days are inevitable.

Generally--though not always--the other side of the mountain looks better.  If you can survive the trek to the top, it will generally be worth the effort.

There is a strange beauty in fog, accelerated by the idea it will soon pass.  Don't grieve the fog; rather, embrace  what lies behind it waiting to be revealed.

The glare of sunshine upon the hillside sometimes produces verdant green--when water is plentiful--and other times, golden brown, like today.  What is exposed by the sun with its shadows and hues produces a colorful tapestry of its own.  Life with its trials and triumphs produces a testimony punctuated by the messages of color and texture.

The fog and sunshine are closely yoked to each other, separated often by only minutes.  Their coming and going is impacted by natural forces that I am still learning. But they are both statements of life around me. They both, with respect for one another, echo hope for the calming coolness of the fog and the beckoning brightness of the sun.

It can all happen in a day, here on the Central Coast.

It could be your day--wherever you are--fog or sunshine.

The truth about the IRS

The title is meant to be an enigma.  An oxymoron.   

Who can know the truth about the IRS?  The questions posed by the convened House and Ways Committee seem appropriate. 

 What is the truth?  Where is the truth hidden?  Why has the truth mysteriously disappeared?  Is it coincidental that the truth we asked for has now been destroyed?  Given all the time granted the IRS (three years), why are we just now discovering that the truth on certain government hard drives--and backed up per regulation--can no longer be retrieved?

I guess we will never know the truth about...

....whether or not certain members of Congress were in cahoots with the IRS about targeting conservative groups about their tax exempt status?

...whether or not the stories of vicious IRS pursuit of certain political conservatives openly shared in the news podcast, "The World and Everything in It", will ever see the light of day in the public press?

...whether or not Lois Lerner, now comfortably retired, will ever have to tell the truth about her role in attending to the political "business" of the IRS?

...whether or not our President was truly surprised by the charges levied against the IRS and how was it he could say, "There was not even a hint of impropriety"?

Yes, I am a mostly-conservative citizen.  Yes, I believe there is screaming evidence of the IRS's engagement in political activities.

Sadly, I believe, the truth will never be known  It tragically--if not coincidentally--crashed--and went to its grave with its secrets forever saved.

Just a thought...

I believe there will one day be a reckoning of what is true and what is false; the Bible says it will be shouted from the rooftops.  

Too few care now.  I suppose it won't matter later.

Still...I wonder who will be listening then?

Things that make me really angry...and why

I don’t get angry easily although I used to when I was a kid.  Then my issues were my insistence upon having my own way, my conviction that I was always right, and my competitive juices often spilled out on the basketball court.  I had an easily-aroused temper growing up.

Now that I am “grown up”, I would like to report that I never get angry.

Wrong.

Several times the Bible speaks of being angry, while not sinning (See Psalm 4:3,4; Ephesians 4:25-32).  It is most often how we react in our anger that displeases God.  For me I have that the difference between reacting and responding is TIME, and taking a deep breath and waiting helps me not act out in anger.

Still, I get angry.

I get angry at injustice, when people are wrongfully mistreated.

I get angry at abuse, when someone’s value is disregarded either verbally or physically.

That all sounds a little self-righteous, so I confess…

I get angry when I am ignored or disrespected.

I get angry when I don’t get my way…if it’s something I feel strongly about and have a sense of being right.

I get angry at myself, most often when I harbor feelings of bitterness and resentment.

I have even had moments when I was angry at God.  Maybe I couldn’t understand why things were happening the way they were, or why someone was suffering, or why I was not being appreciated for all my hard work.

As if God were to blame.

Feelings of anger may never disappear.  How we manage them and respond—instead of reacting—will be a  sign that we are “growing up” in Him.  Yes, there is hope for us in Christ when we submit to His discipline and love.

Dealing with Divisiveness

How can we process issues that are of importance that are often difficult to resolve?  Left unaddressed they potentially can lead to anger, alienation and anxiety in our relationships.  God's Word helps us with this simple admonition in Proverbs 12:18, "Reckless words pierce like a sword but the tongue of the wise brings healing".

We are invited in James 1:5 to come to God with this carte blanc promise, "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask of God who gives generously without finding fault and it will given to him."  James 3 addresses the power of the tongue and concludes in 3:13-18 with these  principles.

1.  Our wisdom is reflected in our humility, 3:13.

2.  "Bitter envy" and "selfish ambition" produce a wisdom that is "earthly, unspiritual and of the     devil", 3:15.

3.  "Disorder"  (sometimes experienced as dis-unity) results from ignoring God's wisdom and embracing "worldly" wisdom", 3:16.

4.  God's wisdom is "pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere", 3:17.

5.  The product of endeavoring to "sow in peace" is a "harvest of righteousness", or, right living, 3:18.

Why not rewrite these verses in your own words?  From verse 17 make a list of all of the descriptive phrases for godly wisdom and use these as a way of defining how you will communicate when divisive issues are on the table.

And then say "grace"...because it's essential to the process of resolution.
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A tradition of repression...?

Two events occurred in the last week that may seem disconnected but are inextricably linked together. Brendon Iche, the recently installed CEO of Mazilla, resigned under pressure from the inside (board members) and the outside (liberal users) when it was revealed he had contributed to Proposition 8 in California, the initiative to preserve traditional marriage (which, lest we forget, passed  with 52% affirmation).  The second incident was the Supreme Court's decision not to hear the case of the New Mexico woman's appeal to not provide services videotaping a same sex marriage ceremony for which she had been summarily fined by the state.

As we are aware, such issues continue to be debated in the public arena and before various levels of judicial government.  We are awaiting a summer verdict on Holly Lobby's refusal to provide insurance that includes abortion options because it violates their Christian belief system.  Other less well-publicized issues include a florist's concern about providing flowers for same sex marriages as well as a cake maker's refusal to provide its services for the same.  These all fall under the banner of first amendment's free speech protection, or, the freedom of religious expression.

We are still awaiting word about what action, if any, Congress will take against the IRS for its obvious targeting of conservative groups with regard to denying their tax exempt status or encumbering the process in acquiring it.  The Senate Committee has listened to a litany of frightening stories from those who felt the heavy hand of the IRS and who were, "coincidentally", individuals or corporations supporting conservative and often Christian causes.  The podcast, THE WORLD AND EVERYTHING IT, a product of World Magazine, does an excellent job of reporting on these and other issues that often escape the national news media.

A central feature is the issue of preserving traditional marriage.  Marvin Olasky, a  frequent contributor to World Magazine, suggests that Christians have already lost the culture war and must now identify creative means of communicating our deep concerns so that we can discover anew how to be "salt" and "light" in a darkened world.  Admittedly, a  growing number of states are recognizing same sex marriages.  What this portends for our country is a redefinition of the family as we know it, and, as a result, we are already experiencing some of the painful repercussions of the emerging values of a dysfunctional social structure.

Sadly, what appears on the horizon--if not already on the scene--is a new tradition, a tradition of repressing free speech if it violates the current secular agenda, or, what are characterized as certain human rights issues.  The aggressive repression of the right to free expression and free speech for Christian organizations and businesses is married to the idea that anything contrary to the current social philosophy is hostile, discriminatory and, therefore, unacceptable.  We have fallen a long way from our forefathers who said, "Congress will make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or, prohibiting the free exercise thereof, or abridging the freedom of speech, of the press or the right of the people peaceably to assemble and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

As I coach and counsel I am aware of the very fragile environment in which we live, and the hostility experienced by many Christian families seeking to live by their personal convictions while at the same time recognizing the freedom of others to live differently.  As Christians we are called to honor God's Word and to follow its teachings,  giving expression to our faith without repressing the rights and opinions of others. Will we be able to continue to do this in an environment of escalating repression in the marketplace, and, ultimately,  how much will it affect our freedom to worship, to raise and lead our children and to be fairly represented in the court of public opinion?

A Conundrum: How can one be wasting away and being renewed at the same time?

I know it's a long title but it summarizes a question I've had for a long time.  I observed  the answer firsthand this week.

The scripture presents this paradoxical parallel in II Corinthians 4:16-18.
"So we do not lose heart,  Though our outer self is wasting away our inner self is being renewed day by day.  For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen,  For the things that are seen are transient but the things that are unseen are eternal."

My dear friend, Ward, is 86 years old and has stage four prostate cancer that has metastasized into bone cancer. He is grappling with increasing pain and is, essentially, bound to his bed.  Cared for by his adoring daughter, son-in-law and grandson, he is in a totally-nurturing environment of sacrificial loving support. 

Ward worked with me for fifteen years in ministry, caring for the seniors of our church, visiting in the hospitals and rest homes, as well as teaching and sharing his life experiences form sixty-plus years as a pastor.  All of us who knew him were enriched by his humble spirit and his humor.  None of that had diminished when I visited him on Monday.

I was anxious to see Ward, but apprehensive.  I was uncertain about how he would look and from recent phone calls with his weakness becoming increasingly apparent, expected the worse.  But as I entered his room he was smiling, welcoming me with the familiar words, "How are you, Bishop?" He was sleepy--apologizing for his inability to keep his eyes   opened--but kept us laughing...and crying.  At one point he said, "I am only catching half of what you are saying so you'll need to stay twice as long..."

It was clear that Ward had waited for us to come.  My friends, Bob and Evelyn, and Beverly, my wife, had planned the visit in advance, hoping to catch Ward one more time before God called him home.  We reflected on times past, shared experiences at Grace Fellowship Church where we all had served together, and talked about people who were mutually important to us.  Ward's physical weakness was undeniable--he is no longer able to get out of bed--but there was an inner resilience and strength about him that was undeniable.  

How so?  How can one be in pain, facing his own mortality and, yet, at the same time be alive and vibrant with life and hope?  The paradox in the text from II Corinthians alludes to a differing perspective--a focus on things that are eternal, not transient, and an ability to separate the momentary pain and affliction from the ultimate eternal reward and victory.  As the physical body wears down and death becomes imminent, there is for the believer whose focus slowly changes--I call it a time of relinquishment--a renewing and strengthening of the hope he has before only verbalized but now embraces with accelerating clarity.

I saw that clarity in Ward.  He has fought hard to live but now, as the strength for the battle for life diminishes in the face of the reality of his weakening condition, there is a sharpened affirmation of the faith he has long proclaimed and practiced.  The inner man is being renewed in preparation for eternity.

It's a conundrum--an enigma we may not fully understand until our time comes.  For me it is heartening to know that God's promise of grace for every situation is certain and sure, and that His strength is truly made perfect and complete in our weakness.  Thanks, Ward, for providing the real life illustration of that scriptural passage for me. 

I walked to my car crying--we all were--because there is no denying the inevitability of death And the certainty of our own mortality. And our grief in losing--though only for a season--one we love so deeply.

But I was crying for myself--not for Ward. He is being renewed already...and a new body is on order for him, to replace this one he is shedding now.  Only God knows when.  We wait for His perfect timing.

cancellations

Cancellations last minute in the counseling world are painful because it is almost impossible to fill the spot.  For me it is difficult since each scheduled appointment is very important to me.  

Someone cancelled today--they had a good reason--and I found myself grumbling.  I asked myself as I walked on the beach instead, "Why is it that I handle change with such a combative spirit?"

Admittedly I am a creature of habit and I function best in an environment of order and regimen. You will know that if you walk into my office and look at my desk.  It's funny when I step back and evaluate "why?"", that it boils down to issues of predictability and control.  

And how much of that do I really have a handle on...?

I obviously cannot predict the actual events of any day.

I acknowledge as well that my clients had no control over what happened in their young lives today that prevented their coming for counseling. 

I want sameness in my work life.  I want to come and know that my office is in order and that my clients will be on time and that I can go home when I planned.  

As I walked at Pismo Beach I remembered Hebrews 13:8--"Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today and forever."  That is one certainty I can count on.  That will never change.

Maybe I am learning that.  Walks on the beach--today the product of a cancellation--put me in touch with what's going on inside of me.

Today I am remembering that in my uncertain--sometimes frustrating world--of last minute changes, Jesus is the same!

Yesterday, today, forever.

a fragile world

As I watched the news yesterday I was disheartened by the burgeoning crisis in the Ukraine, the launch of missiles in North Korea, the new proposal for "three-parented" children (a "not-so subtle" form of eugenics), the bill before the Arizona governor regarding businesses and their responsibilities to gays (it was vetoed, thankfully)...and an unending list of other critical issues threatening to discolor the landscape of our already fragile world.

Mostly, I thought about my twelve grandchildren.

They range in age from six years old--Brady had a birthday yesterday--through seventeen--Sage graduates from high school in 2015.  What kind of a world will they inherit?

I felt sad because in the midst of all of this social and global confusion, there are whispers that we are making progress.  In the name of tolerance and equality we are redefining traditional marriage; we are coercing participation in a noble but costly plan to provide health insurance for everyone; we are proposing to brutally slash the size of our armed forces in a volatile world climate under the guise of good economics and we are quietly looking the other way while our President--as others before him have done, acts with papal-like authority in executing policy.

Where will it all end?

It is a fragile world, seemingly held together by men--a few good, most not--well-intentioned and traqically flawed. They are in over their heads.

Above them is a sovereign God.

This is His world.  He is still in control.  And He will be when my grandchildren become adults.

Somehow, that gives me hope.

"Don't miss the grace of God..."

Hebrews 12:15 warns us, "See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." (NIV)

I have been thinking about that verse a lot; I have often quoted the second part of the verse about bitterness but rarely remembered the first part--"Don't miss the grace of God!" (Barrett paraphrase).

I discover a high incidence of bitterness in marriage--unprocessed anger that leads to broken or abandoned communication and inevitable bitterness and resentment.  Neglecting the first part of this verse is to miss the scriptural antidote to the fertilization of the root of bitterness.

It is "the grace of God"?  How so?

1.  The "grace of God" is His unmerited favor towards me.

2.  God's grace is freely bestowed upon me as His child.

3.  I am not to "miss" this grace, or forget and ignore it.

4.  Remembering God's grace towards me becomes a springboard for me exercising grace to others.

5.  I remember that I am flawed and sinful and God's grace abounds towards me; cannot I extend His grace to my spouse? to my colleague at work? to a rebellious child?

I don;t want to be bitter; I have been and I remember how painful it was.  Truly it affected all of my life and the resultant defilement was far-reaching in to other unsuspecting relationships.

"Don't miss God's grace!"  The next time you're in conflict--angry, even wounded--remember the grace extended towards you--and extend it freely to another.  Bitterness and resentment cannot flourish in a life fertilized with God's grace!

Mentoring

It is an interesting season in life having just turned sixty-six.  My father died at this age and so i have always wondered whether I would make it. Thankfully, both my twin brother and I celebrated our 66th birthday together last weekend.

What makes the season challenging are the winds of change.  They are ever-present as I move from twelve hour work days to two day work weeks with the luxury of discretionary time.  Additionally, I no longer punch a clock nor do I scramble to make time for administrative meetings and late night counseling sessions.  I am, to a "frightening" degree, in control of my own time schedule.

It's "frightening" because I have an accelerated sense of upward accountability for the usage of my time.  There was always that in pastoral ministry but there was also horizontal accountability as I thought about the expectations of my board and of a growing congregation.

Now there is for me a handful of counseling clients, eight grandchildren nearby, a local church and an adult class weekly teaching assignment, and my ongoing ministry "overseeing" a pastoral training institute  in Haiti.  It's enough.

But I have extra time.  And I have an opportunity in these later years, given   the presumption that age and experience produce some wisdom worth sharing, an opportunity to mentor.  It was brought home to me today at a Bible Study led by my stepson who is a pastor.  He was leading a discussion on REAL LIFE DISCIPLESHIP, written by Jim Putman, and discussing people "upstream" and downstream" in his sphere of influence.  As a class participant I had completed the assignment asking us to do the same.  As he shared his "upstream"--those to whom he looks for wisdom and counsel--my name was there.

I was startled.  I had listed his name, given our weekly family and church interaction, as in my "upstream".  We laughed about it later.

I love mentoring.  It isn't that I have it all figured out.  But I have learned some things--many of them through the rigors of personal experience--that are worth sharing with others, if for no other reason than to help theme escape some of the painful learning process to which most of us fall prey.

In the last few weeks I've mentored someone who is recovering from painful experiences in church leadership; another has been talking to me about a ministry idea and we have rehearsed some of the "pro's" and con's".  Ina ll of these situations, and more, I am smiling at the memory of lessons learned and the opportunity to share them with others who come to me...probably because I am old.  Probably because I am available.

No doubt because God has a purpose for us even in our later seasons of life. Don't miss a chance to be a mentor.

UPDATE ON SEMINAR--COMMITMENT: THE VOW FACTOR IN MARRIAGE

The first week of the marriage seminar on Commitment took place on Sunday, January 12th at Grace Church in San Luis Obispo.  The teaching sessions as well as the accompanying work sheets will be available on my website int he next several weeks.  See www.Full-LifeCoaching.org.

Some of you have requested the seminar material and if you want to receive it by mail, please contact me at 636 Clarion Court, Suite 101, San Luis Obispo, CA 93401.

A helpful assignment for couples looking to strengthen their commitment to one another is to study Ephesians 4:25-32 and to do the following.

1.  Individually identify the principles of communication that appear in this passage.

2.  Underscore those that are difficult for you.

3.  Share your results with one another and covenant together to pray for these specific areas of need.

This is a good place to start.  Next week I will identify those principles that I seeand you can compare notes with what you found.

New Year's "Drears"

Is "drears" a word?  I'm uncertain but I'm confident the word communicates with some of you.

It is not about failed resolutions from last year or the futility of anticipated resolutions for the new year.  It sometimes is about a gnawing feeling in the gut of our stomach that reverberates painfully with the frightening "here we go again".

But I am another year older now.  And I will be sixty-six later this month (no card or gifts, please).  And I should be wiser.  

The good news is, I think I am.  I recognize this reoccurring January visitor and the cold water it would throw on every determined effort I make to set meaningful goals for the new year.

Nonetheless, I am determined.

I've been journaling--no one gets to read my journals--and I am hopeful--again--that in spite of missing the mark in some critical areas last year, by God's grace I did learn some lessons that are an increasingly significant part of my life resources in coping with the challenges that are sure to come in 2014.

Left to my own resources, that gives me the "drears".

Looking to Him, it diminishes my fears.

Welcome, new year.