I am resolved to do something differently than I did last year. Keep my new year's resolutions. Sound familiar?
I know. We all start with good intentions thinking that the magical turning of the calendar obliterates the past and ushers in a whole new spectrum of opportunity.
Here's the problem. I have to ask the question, "What has changed about me that will motivate me to do better this year?' If this is just a familiar place you pitch your tent each January--as I am prone to do--and you are at this place without a plan, you'll probably be camping in the same territory twelve months from now.
That's just how it is with human nature. And the old adage--"People who fail to plan, plan to fail"-- has a haunting truthfulness to it that experience corroborates more often than not. At least that's my experience.
So, from the wisened web of my own failures I have managed to identify some things to evaluate in thinking about new year's resolutions. Read them and decide how serious you are about a fresh start, and realize, even as you try to articulate some meaningful responses, that this can be hard work.
What would I like to be different?
The danger here is to list a bunch of circumstantial things--things over which we have no control--and/or changes in other people, another year I cannot control. List only things you would change about yourself...this will require some assessment of personal responsibility and painful honesty.
What are my strong points, or, with what am I content?
Think of the things in life which make you most happy, and identify the reasons why. More often than not they will reflect areas of personal interest and a degree of personal confidence in your contribution and participation.
What are my weaknesses and how do they contribute to my unhappiness or unsettledness?
As I think about the trouble spots in my life, is there a connective link between them and my own behavior or lack of discipline? Identify those painful things and consider their link to the unhappiness I am experiencing.
How badly do I want to see change?
How painful are these things for me? How are they hindering my growth and development? How are they sabotaging my efforts to reach my goals (or, do I have any specific goals?) What personal effort would I be willing to invest for things to be different?
Where do I start?
Of course, that presumes you want to. You can experience change with a purpose (for motivation), a plan (for direction), another person (for affirmation)) and positive measureable goals (for evaluation).
I'd be happy to join you in this process. Contact me today, daleabarrett@gmail.com.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Monday, December 19, 2011
PRIORITIES...managing my time
Christmas for me as a pastor is a time where the avalanche of activities and opportunities is potentially exhausting and overwhelming. In the middle of what is meant to be a time of celebration, it can become a time of confusion and consternation.
This ought not to be so...but managing time--determining how to say "no"--is a challenge difficult for many of us to do, particularly, if by nature we are people-pleasers!
So, is there a simple formula for managing my time? No! But there are some guidelines that I have employed that are helpful to me in setting boundaries and keeping my priorities in place.
What are my priorities?
This is the place to start--establish what is especially important to you today--this week Write it down on a piece of paper. Number them in order of priority, taking not of what is non-negotiable (I have to do this!) and what is negotiable (I have a discretionary choice).
What are the non-negotiables in my schedule?
There are, admittedly, some things I have to do--regular office hours, standing appointments, etc. Write these down on your daily-weekly calendar (If you're able to, do this a month in advance).
What time slots are left for the negotiables on my priority list?
This is where my priority list can guide me--schedule time for the really significant things on your list-- i.e. time with the family, time for personal exercise, etc.--as compared to watching a football game (hard choice, I know!), dinner with the Smiths (maybe another time), etc.
What can I do to protect my schedule, preserving time to pursue my priorities?
Know your schedule in advance so you are prepared to say, "I can't do that this week, my schedule is full". Learn that "no" is okay; everyone has scheduling priorities--even if only subconsciously--and a kind, "No, I can't at this time", is something everyone can relate to.
What if my priorities are different than my spouse's?
This a communication exercise; as you approach a new year it would be helpful and healthy for your relationship to discuss these together. Honor one another and establish a list of family non-negotiables and negotiables. Work to reach a place of agreement, so you can move forward together!
Beverly and I have actually scheduled this season a few times of sitting on the couch, reflecting on the "reason for the season" and simply being still and quiet. I know--we don't have children at home. Still, we had to literally schedule that time. We have some more of that this week--consistent with our renewed commitment to manage our time so that it reflects on our priorities.
This ought not to be so...but managing time--determining how to say "no"--is a challenge difficult for many of us to do, particularly, if by nature we are people-pleasers!
So, is there a simple formula for managing my time? No! But there are some guidelines that I have employed that are helpful to me in setting boundaries and keeping my priorities in place.
What are my priorities?
This is the place to start--establish what is especially important to you today--this week Write it down on a piece of paper. Number them in order of priority, taking not of what is non-negotiable (I have to do this!) and what is negotiable (I have a discretionary choice).
What are the non-negotiables in my schedule?
There are, admittedly, some things I have to do--regular office hours, standing appointments, etc. Write these down on your daily-weekly calendar (If you're able to, do this a month in advance).
What time slots are left for the negotiables on my priority list?
This is where my priority list can guide me--schedule time for the really significant things on your list-- i.e. time with the family, time for personal exercise, etc.--as compared to watching a football game (hard choice, I know!), dinner with the Smiths (maybe another time), etc.
What can I do to protect my schedule, preserving time to pursue my priorities?
Know your schedule in advance so you are prepared to say, "I can't do that this week, my schedule is full". Learn that "no" is okay; everyone has scheduling priorities--even if only subconsciously--and a kind, "No, I can't at this time", is something everyone can relate to.
What if my priorities are different than my spouse's?
This a communication exercise; as you approach a new year it would be helpful and healthy for your relationship to discuss these together. Honor one another and establish a list of family non-negotiables and negotiables. Work to reach a place of agreement, so you can move forward together!
Beverly and I have actually scheduled this season a few times of sitting on the couch, reflecting on the "reason for the season" and simply being still and quiet. I know--we don't have children at home. Still, we had to literally schedule that time. We have some more of that this week--consistent with our renewed commitment to manage our time so that it reflects on our priorities.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Cowering or Confident?.
In January I will be 64 and in January, 2013, the world of pastoring and counseling that I have enjoyed for forty-six years will change..dramatically!
At times I am confident about the future when I anticipate the excitement of new challenges. But, I confess, there are times I cower at the thought of starting over and doing something different. I am learning to prayerfully and carefully take "risky" steps--"risky to me because they are without guarantees--and to trust God who has opened doors and birthed a love in my heart for the coaching-counseling profession.
Here are a few significant steps I have taken in recent days...
1. Yesterday I leased an office space for off-site coaching and counseling away from the church. I already have clients who come from the community and I am more comfortable seeing them off-site as I collect reimbursement for my services. (For those who may be interested, my office is at 270 Hanford Street, Suite B in Sutter Creek, California 95685)
2. I am launching a website in the next two weeks--"Full-LifeCoaching.com"--which will allow you to access me directly on-line. 75% of coaching is done on-line, often via Skpe, and I have enjoyed the opportunities I have already experienced with this technologically-streamlined, yet personal approach.
3. I am transitioning away from my role of senior pastor at Grace Fellowship Church where I have served for over fifteen years since beginning the church in 1996. In February, 2012, one of my staff pastors who I have mentored for the last thirteen years will assume the role of "Lead Pastor". In other words, the proverbial buck will stop at his desk--not mine! Although I am grieving in part the change which I have requested, I am anticipating this new season of my life.
4. I am voluntarily giving my office space--a familiar refuge for me--to the new "Lead Pastor" to further facilitate the transition process. He will be gone for the month of January teaching in New Guinea, and when he returns we will have exchanged office space--so books must be boxed (I have over 4,000) and the reality of change will feel even more apparent.
5. I am uncertain about many things--things that have always seemed comfortably predictable--but now I am learning with my sweet wife, Beverly, to "walk by faith"--our motto for 2012.
Someone once said, "The future is as bright as the promises of God." I believe that remembering this will dispel the incidents of momentary cowardice that cause me to flinch at the contemplation of change and uncertainty, and catapult me to the confidence I have in God who has never failed me.
You may be facing similar transitions and uncertainty in light of the new year, and the choice between cowering in fear--the enemy's suggested response--and moving forward in confidence--God's desire--is yours. Let's pray we'll make the right choice!
At times I am confident about the future when I anticipate the excitement of new challenges. But, I confess, there are times I cower at the thought of starting over and doing something different. I am learning to prayerfully and carefully take "risky" steps--"risky to me because they are without guarantees--and to trust God who has opened doors and birthed a love in my heart for the coaching-counseling profession.
Here are a few significant steps I have taken in recent days...
1. Yesterday I leased an office space for off-site coaching and counseling away from the church. I already have clients who come from the community and I am more comfortable seeing them off-site as I collect reimbursement for my services. (For those who may be interested, my office is at 270 Hanford Street, Suite B in Sutter Creek, California 95685)
2. I am launching a website in the next two weeks--"Full-LifeCoaching.com"--which will allow you to access me directly on-line. 75% of coaching is done on-line, often via Skpe, and I have enjoyed the opportunities I have already experienced with this technologically-streamlined, yet personal approach.
3. I am transitioning away from my role of senior pastor at Grace Fellowship Church where I have served for over fifteen years since beginning the church in 1996. In February, 2012, one of my staff pastors who I have mentored for the last thirteen years will assume the role of "Lead Pastor". In other words, the proverbial buck will stop at his desk--not mine! Although I am grieving in part the change which I have requested, I am anticipating this new season of my life.
4. I am voluntarily giving my office space--a familiar refuge for me--to the new "Lead Pastor" to further facilitate the transition process. He will be gone for the month of January teaching in New Guinea, and when he returns we will have exchanged office space--so books must be boxed (I have over 4,000) and the reality of change will feel even more apparent.
5. I am uncertain about many things--things that have always seemed comfortably predictable--but now I am learning with my sweet wife, Beverly, to "walk by faith"--our motto for 2012.
Someone once said, "The future is as bright as the promises of God." I believe that remembering this will dispel the incidents of momentary cowardice that cause me to flinch at the contemplation of change and uncertainty, and catapult me to the confidence I have in God who has never failed me.
You may be facing similar transitions and uncertainty in light of the new year, and the choice between cowering in fear--the enemy's suggested response--and moving forward in confidence--God's desire--is yours. Let's pray we'll make the right choice!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Tips for avoiding the "morning after Christmas" blues
COACHING TIPS
What About Christmas Spending?
1. Make Christmas lists. Keep the list reflective of who you really want to give to, not necessarily those to whom you feel obligated because they will be giving a gift to you.
2. In some cases a personal message on a greeting card is more valuable than a purchased gift.
3. Consider setting a limit on each gift selection that fits your budget (for example, start out by determining the total funds available and then divide by the number of gifts to be purchased).
4. DO NOT USE CREDIT CARDS. Buy only what your cash spending budget allows. This will deflect the post-Christmas blues.
5. Can you make gifts? This would defray your costs. Homemade cookies, homemade ornaments, personal art work (not me!), etc.
6. If you are sending gifts, consider (a) drop shipping if ordered online and (b) ship in bulk (send a group of presents to one address at one time).
7. What about identifying a worthwhile project for those who are needy and sending donations in lieu of gifts? Invite your family to participate. (Probably would not work for children and grandchildren…?)
8. Gift-giving should be about the expression of the sentiment of love. A gift should not be given in place of a verbal expression of love.
9. The exchange of gifts should not be the centerpiece of the Christmas season; the celebration of the greatest gift of all—Jesus—should be the focal point.
10. Be sure to say “thank you” for all gifts received—either face-to-face, when possible, or in written acknowledgement of the receipt of a gift.
What About Christmas Spending?
1. Make Christmas lists. Keep the list reflective of who you really want to give to, not necessarily those to whom you feel obligated because they will be giving a gift to you.
2. In some cases a personal message on a greeting card is more valuable than a purchased gift.
3. Consider setting a limit on each gift selection that fits your budget (for example, start out by determining the total funds available and then divide by the number of gifts to be purchased).
4. DO NOT USE CREDIT CARDS. Buy only what your cash spending budget allows. This will deflect the post-Christmas blues.
5. Can you make gifts? This would defray your costs. Homemade cookies, homemade ornaments, personal art work (not me!), etc.
6. If you are sending gifts, consider (a) drop shipping if ordered online and (b) ship in bulk (send a group of presents to one address at one time).
7. What about identifying a worthwhile project for those who are needy and sending donations in lieu of gifts? Invite your family to participate. (Probably would not work for children and grandchildren…?)
8. Gift-giving should be about the expression of the sentiment of love. A gift should not be given in place of a verbal expression of love.
9. The exchange of gifts should not be the centerpiece of the Christmas season; the celebration of the greatest gift of all—Jesus—should be the focal point.
10. Be sure to say “thank you” for all gifts received—either face-to-face, when possible, or in written acknowledgement of the receipt of a gift.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
crowded, creative and comfortable
Back from Haiti and an incredible week sharing with pastors hungry for the teaching of the Word...and overwhelmed with a sense of all of the stuff I have...I headed out with Beverly to a little place called Morgan Hill in Northern California in our trailer. Our goal--to spend Thanksgiving with our two sons and their families--including eight grandchildren!
Both Tim and Chad have trailers so we parked side-by-side--grandma and grandpa in the middle--giving the intended easy access to the early morning hot chocolate Bev prepared each morning for the grandchildren. Squeezed into our trailer with all eight of them, provided unforgettable moments of high audible joy that are still resonating my heart..and ears.
The weather was nice enough that we set up for Thanksgiving outside--carefully decorated tables under a "protective "awning but by the time dinner was ready a raucous storm had moved in causing us to relocate in the biggest of the three trailers, fourteen of us. We were a closely-banded and bonded together by our 32' x 8' enclosure but it was a comfortable setting--more than enough delicious food, including my first attempt at fried turkey (it got rave reviews!). We read the 100th Psalm, prayed together and thanked God for His bountiful blessings.
It is these kinds of events I will always remember--when we have to be creative, when we are crowded--but we find comfort in one another's company and the special relationships with God and one another that cause us to be thankful..."for the Lord is good and His love endures forever", Psalm 100:4b.
Both Tim and Chad have trailers so we parked side-by-side--grandma and grandpa in the middle--giving the intended easy access to the early morning hot chocolate Bev prepared each morning for the grandchildren. Squeezed into our trailer with all eight of them, provided unforgettable moments of high audible joy that are still resonating my heart..and ears.
The weather was nice enough that we set up for Thanksgiving outside--carefully decorated tables under a "protective "awning but by the time dinner was ready a raucous storm had moved in causing us to relocate in the biggest of the three trailers, fourteen of us. We were a closely-banded and bonded together by our 32' x 8' enclosure but it was a comfortable setting--more than enough delicious food, including my first attempt at fried turkey (it got rave reviews!). We read the 100th Psalm, prayed together and thanked God for His bountiful blessings.
It is these kinds of events I will always remember--when we have to be creative, when we are crowded--but we find comfort in one another's company and the special relationships with God and one another that cause us to be thankful..."for the Lord is good and His love endures forever", Psalm 100:4b.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
New challenges...old fears
I am preparing for retirement in the next year, although it will not be the kind where you don't need to work! However, it is a time of wonderful transition and anticipation after forty-five years as a pastor, counselor and life coach.
I am handing the baton of leadership to someone I have mentored for over thirteen years. he will do an excellent job and undoubtedly lead the church into new challenges and greater opportunities of ministry. Nothing would make me prouder!
Transitions and challenges go hand-in-hand. Are you anticipating some changes in your life? As I contemplate an uncertain future I am sometimes fearful but I was reminded this morning in my devotions with Bev (my wife ) from Proverbs 18:10, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the rightheous run to it and are safe".
I need to "run" there more often when I am worrying about the next steps of my life, The Lord promises that he will be "a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path"--exactly enough light for the very next step only. This makes me have to trust the one who know the beginning from the end and who works all situations together for my ultimate good and His glory.
So, recognizing that God does not give us a spirit of fear (someone else is responsible for that...), I resolve today to release my fears to the Lord, and to embrace the strong tower He is and will be wherever I land and whatever I do.
How about you?
I am handing the baton of leadership to someone I have mentored for over thirteen years. he will do an excellent job and undoubtedly lead the church into new challenges and greater opportunities of ministry. Nothing would make me prouder!
Transitions and challenges go hand-in-hand. Are you anticipating some changes in your life? As I contemplate an uncertain future I am sometimes fearful but I was reminded this morning in my devotions with Bev (my wife ) from Proverbs 18:10, "The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the rightheous run to it and are safe".
I need to "run" there more often when I am worrying about the next steps of my life, The Lord promises that he will be "a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path"--exactly enough light for the very next step only. This makes me have to trust the one who know the beginning from the end and who works all situations together for my ultimate good and His glory.
So, recognizing that God does not give us a spirit of fear (someone else is responsible for that...), I resolve today to release my fears to the Lord, and to embrace the strong tower He is and will be wherever I land and whatever I do.
How about you?
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